I realized recently, that I've saved quotes containing the message, "energy doesn't lie" in at least three different places. It must have really stood out to me.
This autumn season has brought many changes to our lives. We've started homeschooling, which has changed our routine greatly. This has all been for the better, but it still takes some getting used it. It also means finding a new support group. It is harder to connect with people when we don't come together on the playground every day to check in. This flexibility is one of the reasons we began homeschooling, but it isn't always easy to make new friends.
Not completely unrelated, is my realization that I tend to get caught up by words. I don't always have a clear response, at least not in the moment. I don't often have the strongest opinion in the room. I am a peacekeeper - I tend to go with whatever the strongest desire is. This form of people pleasing also gets me in trouble sometimes because I have a hard time saying "no" or making time for what I need to fill my bucket.
I don't think being a pacifist is nessecarily a bad trait, I just think I tend to be swayed easily by whatever is happening around me. I don't want to contradict anyone. I like to see the best in people and that usually happens when their desires are fulfilled. The problem comes, when I can't fulfill my own desires, or those who depend on me because I'm trying to do too much.
I am slowly learning that I need to be in more control of the situations I put myself in. I am done being in the middle of an obligation and realizing how much I don't want to be there. I'm not talking about going to the doctor or dentist, those I don't want to be there, but are necessary for my overall health. I'm talking about those times when everyone else is doing it and I feel the need to be included. We are all unique and the so are the things we need to satisfy our own desires. At the end of the day, the only person you can really appease is yourself. I am learning to focus on what I need first and let everything else happen as it can.
With homeschooling, the schedule is up to us. This is a great thing, but it also means we have to be very intentional with our time. We are finding that we must protect our downtime and make sure that we have enough hours in the week at home for "formal" education. Even when this means we spend the afternoon creating candy launchers, it is still important for us to have the time and space to accomplish what we are trying to learn. That means, I have to be able to say no when something doesn't serve us. I'm getting better, slowly.
Though most are extremely supportive of our homeschooling choices, there are always some who won't really understand. That's okay. This is a path that is truly working for us and we are stronger as individuals and a family because of this choice. There are so many resources to pull from that we are never without direction and creative projects. We are doing what we need to for us, that is all I can do.
We use a lot of hands of learning activities and a lot of music in our homeschooling days. There is so much to worry about in the world, but thinking of it all is overwhelming. I am slowly learning to reduce my anxiety by letting all that I can't control go and focusing on what I can do today, right now that will shift my energy into a positive direction. Instead of worrying about how everything is going to work out, I focus on the actions I can take to make today the best it can be.
I've spent much of my life as a passive observer. I am finally learning how to bravely, yet peaceably, let my own desires and opinions be known. I need to trust this strength flowing through me and not worry so much about what other people think about my choices. I make the right decision for me and my family, that is all I can do.
Some days are productive and some days we simply need rest. There are patterns of life that move up and down according to our activities, weather and natural rhythms. I am learning not to fight these undulations of life and instead flow through them enjoying this moment for all it has to offer.
Energy doesn't lie. I'm learning to pay attention to the moments that make up my life. If something isn't working, I'm more willing to adjust it. In many situations, this means letting go of bad energy and walking away from people or situations that I feel like I "should" do, but don't have the mental or emotional capacity for.
Of course, there are some situations where this is not an option (i.e. that doctor's appointment, a co-worker, a family member), but in those cases it is about making the best choices possible to surround yourself with good energy. It is a mentality, a lifestyle choice, that makes the different.
These are the days that make up our life. Be intentional about making it a good one!
Here's to making the most out of this moment...
For more about our Homeschooling Journey
Check out Tales from a Mother!